The Next Chapter

Hi again, friends! 

I took a blog hiatus for a few months, but I am back! 

Life can be hard. It can be messy and it can be exhausting. 

Marriage can be hard, too, and unfortunately, my nearly four year marriage has come to a close. 

I will forever cherish the times I spent with my husband and I will always care about him and I hope he is able to find happiness in this next chapter of his life, without me. 

Making the decision to end my marriage wasn't easy. I don't think it ever is for anyone. 

Admitting what you want can be scary. Putting yourself first isn't simple, which I think is kind of weird, because putting yourself first is so important, and too many people aren't willing to do this. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. 

I won't say anything negative about my husband. We just grew apart. We got married in our early 20s and over time we became incompatible. I don't think either of us is more responsible than the other, unfortunately, it just did not work out. 

During this time it has been really important for me to focus on running. I think it's good to have a constant in life, and for me that is running, I can rely on it to make me feel whole, to make me feel complete. 

I did have times of weakness during this process, while trying to figure out what to do next, where everything felt too hard, but then I would run and I would have the feeling of freedom that I craved so much, and it got easier. 

Running was the companion I needed. Running helped remind me of the person I was before I got married, and the person I can be after. 

Running helped ease my fears. The unknown is scary, especially for someone like me who doesn't like change, but sometimes change is necessary to get where you want to be.  

If I can run a marathon with a pulled hamstring, I am confident I can get through a divorce. 

I'm also very lucky to have an amazing support system. My family, friends, and especially my Wahoo Running crew have made this process so much easier. Although my relationship is ending, I have never felt so loved. I have some amazing people in my life. 

I'm changing my last name back to McKinney. However, I'm keeping the nickname AF. The F is just silent. ;) 

My training plan with Wahoo! Running for my 3rd marathon is starting in a few weeks and I am so excited to run in the New York City Marathon this November. Literally a dream come true. 

Here's to my next chapter. 

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby